SELF-STUDY

Energize your writing with strong and active VERBS

Scientific writing should be energetic and clear, smoothly propelling the reader forward from clause to clause, sentence to sentence, paragraph to paragraph, section to section. One way to energize your sentences is to use the parts of speech that express energy and action, ie, verbs. But you should also use verbs effectively, which means

  • Choose ACTIVE voice over passive voice.
  • Choose STRONG and ACTION-FILLED verbs over weaker, more static verbs. In scientific writing, weak verbs are the overused verbs such as ‘be,’ ‘do,’ ‘make,’ ‘cause,’ ‘occur,’ ‘perform,’ and ‘conduct.’ (Later on, you will notice that such weak verbs are often substituting for a stronger verb, which is actually hidden within a noun.)

Consider the following sentence:

The diagnosis of Sjögren syndrome was made, and treatment with X (1.5 mg daily) was started. (16 words)

Grammatically, nothing is wrong with the sentence; however, its weak verbs and passive voice make it heavy and dull. We can energize the sentence by revising it in 2 steps:

Step 1　Delete the weak verb and replace it with the real verb, which is probably hidden within a noun in the sentence.

In the sample sentence, the weak verb is ‘made,’ and the real verb is ‘diagnose,’ hidden in the noun ‘diagnosis.’ So, the step 1 revision becomes:

Sjögren syndrome was diagnosed, and treatment with X (1.5 mg daily) was started. (13 words)

The sentence is already improved over the original, but with the two passive verbs, it is still rather heavy. So we can revise it in a second step:

Step 2　Replace the passive voice with the active voice (inserting a subject such as ‘we,’ ‘I,’ or ‘the authors,’ if necessary).

So the step 2 revision becomes:

We diagnosed Sjögren syndrome and started treatment with X (1.5 mg daily). (12 words)

With its strong verbs in active voice, the sentence has more energy. Its fewer words means that it is also lighter, and its S+V+O order moves the message forward in a natural way.

YOU TRY!

Energize the following sentences by revising with strong verbs and active voice.

1.
Measurements of the extent of the corneal displacement were performed 5 times.
2.
A diagnosis of left oculomotor nerve palsy was made.
3.
Three months postinjection, the tumors were collected and the weights were measured.
4.
Subsequently, Y is phosphorylated by X in its juxtamembrane domain, to make Z active.
5.
X had a significant correlation with Y.
6.
To assess intraobserver agreement, the same measurements were performed again on another day.
7.
Diagnosis of PCNSL was made by pathologists on the basis of the World Health Organization classification.
8.
Evaluation of response to the chemotherapy was performed by using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) or computed tomography (CT) with contrast enhancement.
9.
In the X+ group, the total number of adherent tumor cells in the sinusoids was at a peak at 20 min postinjection and decreased thereafter (Fig. 2).
10.
In the X- group, there was a marked increase of metastasis (47.55 ± 3.41; Fig. 8).
11.
Smith et al observed that X cells had interaction with 94% of tumor cells within 24 hours [3].
12.
Without the presence of X cells for 1 day after the tumor cell injection, there was a marked increase of metastasis nodules.
13.
The diagnosis of X was made on the basis of the clinical history, ophthalmoscopy, Goldmann kinetic perimetry, and multifocal ERGs.
14.
Although administration of antibiotics was performed and TAC was discontinued, CRP continued to decrease.

ANSWERS

1.
Step 1 The extent of the corneal displacement was measured 5 times.
Step 2 We measured the extent of the corneal displacement 5 times.
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘performed’) and restoring the real verb (‘measure’ hidden in ‘measurement’) and then (2) replacing the passive with the active voice.
2.
Step 1 Left oculomotor nerve palsy was diagnosed.
Step 2 We diagnosed left oculomotor nerve palsy.
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘made’) and restoring the real verb (‘diagnose’ hidden in ‘diagnosis’) and then (2) replacing the passive with the active voice. (In step 2, depending on the context, the subject could also be revised to ‘The physicians’ or some other relevant term.)
3.
Step 1 Three months postinjection, the tumors were collected and weighed.
Step 2 Three months postinjection, we collected and weighed the tumors.
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘measured’) and restoring the real verb (‘weigh’ hidden in ‘weights’) and then (2) replacing the passive with the active voice.
4.
Step 1 Subsequently, Y is phosphorylated by X in its juxtamembrane domain to activate Z.
Step 2 Subsequently, X phosphorylates Y in its juxtamembrane domain to activate Z.
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘make’) and restoring the real verb (‘activate’ hidden in ‘active’) and then (2) replacing the passive with the active voice.
5.
X was significantly correlated with Y.
Energize the sentence by deleting the weak verb (‘had’) and restoring the real verb (‘correlate’ hidden in ‘correlation’). In this example, the passive voice is natural with the verb ‘correlate with,’ so we can leave the sentence as it is after the step 1 revision.
6.
Step 1 To assess intraobserver agreement, the same measurements were repeated on another day.
Step 2 To assess intraobserver agreement, we repeated the same measurements on another day.
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘performed again’) and replacing it with a stronger verb (‘repeated’) and then (2) replacing the passive with the active voice.
7.
Step 1 PCNSL was diagnosed by pathologists on the basis of the World Health Organization classification.
Step 2 Pathologists diagnosed PCNSL on the basis of the World Health Organization classification.
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘made’) and restoring the real verb (‘diagnose’ hidden in ‘diagnosis’) and then (2) replacing the passive with the active voice. (In the revised sentence, the S+V+O order is easier to read because it is the more natural sentence order in English, smoothly carrying the reader forward.)
8.
Step 1 Response to the chemotherapy was evaluated by using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) or computed tomography (CT) with contrast enhancement.
Step 2 We evaluated response to the chemotherapy by using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) or computed tomography (CT) with contrast enhancement.
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘performed’) and restoring the real verb (‘evaluate’ hidden in ‘evaluation’)and then (2) replacing the passive with the active voice. (In step 2, depending on the context, the subject could also be revised to ‘The researchers’ or some other relevant term.)
9.
In the X+ group, the total number of adherent tumor cells in the sinusoids peaked at 20 min postinjection and decreased thereafter (Fig. 2).
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘was’) and then restoring the real verb (‘peak’ hidden in the noun ‘peak’). (In this example, the sentence is already in the active voice, so the step 2 revision is unnecessary.)
10.
Step 1 In the X- group, metastasis was markedly increased (47.55 ± 3.41; Fig. 8).
Step 2 In the X- group, metastasis markedly increased (47.55 ± 3.41; Fig. 8).
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘there was’) and restoring the real verb (‘increase’ hidden in the noun ‘increase’). In this example, we can leave the sentence as it is after the step 1 revision, in which case, the nuance of the verb is on the state of the metastasis. If the sentence is revised to active voice in the step 2 revision, the nuance of the verb is on the spontaneous action of the metastasis increase.
11.
Smith et al observed that X cells interacted with 94% of tumor cells within 24 hours [3].
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘had’) and then restoring the real verb (‘interact’ hidden in ‘interaction’). (In this example, the sentence is already in active voice, so a step 2 revision is unnecessary.)
12.
Without the presence of X cells for 1 day after the tumor cell injection, the metastasis nodules markedly increased.
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘there was’) and restoring the real verb (‘increase’ hidden in the noun ‘increase’). (In this example, the sentence is already in active voice, so a step 2 revision is unnecessary.)
13.
Step 1 X was diagnosed on the basis of the clinical history, ophthalmoscopy, Goldmann kinetic perimetry, and multifocal ERGs.
Step 2 We diagnosed X on the basis of the clinical history, ophthalmoscopy, Goldmann kinetic perimetry, and multifocal ERGs.
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘there was’) and restoring the real verb (‘increase’ hidden in the noun ‘increase’). In this example, we can leave the sentence as it is after the step 1 revision, in which case, the nuance of the verb is on the state of the metastasis. If the sentence is revised to active voice in the step 2 revision, the nuance of the verb is on the spontaneous action of the metastasis increase.
14.
Step 1 Although antibiotics were administered and TAC was discontinued, CRP continued to decrease.
Step 2 Although we administered antibiotics and discontinued TAC, CRP continued to decrease.
Energize the sentence by (1) deleting the weak verb (‘performed’) and restoring the real verb (‘administer’ hidden in ‘administration’)and then (2) replacing the passive with the active voice. (In this example, however, it could be argued that passive voice is more apt than active voice owing to the negative result being recounted: by using ‘we’ + active voice, the sentence is drawing attention to the negative result obtained by ‘we,’ and therefore, it would be better to avoid ‘we’ to deflect attention from the fact that the negative result was obtained by ‘we.’ Therefore, the step 2 revision could be omitted for this sentence.)